Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
