East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
