I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
