Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
