i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
