Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
