I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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