i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
