Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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