I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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