Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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