I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
