My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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