Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
