This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
