I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Found your dick twin last night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
