I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
