What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We need a shit load of segways right now
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
