she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Alive.
So much puke
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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