I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
