i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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