My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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