i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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