i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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