So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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