i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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