apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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