we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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