His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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