my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
