Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
