Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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