Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
