Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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