Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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