Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
