What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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