Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
