I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
