I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i drank out of a bidet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
