i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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