there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
