Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
