She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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