if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
