I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
