Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
