Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
