I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
