you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
